After deliberating with myself some of the sources of stress which I experience, the one I focused on most was that about social stress. I find it harder to find the correct balance in maintaining relationships then it did before. The core of it, I think, is that I'm trying to maintain too many relationships at too high of a level.
Now, this level I'm talking about is the position of a friendship on a general spectrum, from acquaintance to very close friends. On which, I have about 4 main points of reference.
1.) The close friends. These are the people I'm constantly in contact with. I'm also making sure that I visit with them every once in awhile. They are the ones I'll be going to first if I need someone to talk to.
2.) Good friends. These are the people I'm in contact with occasionally, and after a week or two, I'm going to make sure that I've at least said hi. I'll visit these people less often, but they are the people I won't hesitate to interact with if given a chance.
3.) Friends with deep ties, that our relationship has died down a bit. A bit of an odd category, but this one is for the people who used to be in categories 1 and 2, but for now, I'm not really talking with.
4.) Acquaintances. These are the relationships that I want to keep acknowledged, but that both parties are usually not engaging in any conversations, unless we can be assistance to the other. I'd still be happy to help these people if they ever called on me.
The biggest realization was keeping people in too high of a category. This was requiring quite a bit of energy to keep up so many relationships.
So, I am going to work on finding the balance for each person. Some people may wnat to be on a higher or lower level, and I'll have to balance that as well. It will be dependent on the interactions between each other, and I'll be occasionally evaluating them.
This is all in an effort to reduce my social stress, and to begin identifying ways that I can give all of my friends more quality time and attention.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Night of the First Day
Here is what I wrote down late the first night, and the poem that came of it (written twice, once in the middle of my sleep xD). It's how I felt while I was exploring.
Notes:
Fog. It clouds my vision, so it clouds my senses. The hour, late, brings with it the true reprieve for which I yearn. Serenity. Solitude. The cold fights for my attention, but this is all it gets. I'm truly free here. Words are crossing my mind, like they haven't for so many years.
Realization.
It's all on myself. It begins with me. As long as outside sources dictate how I live my life, I may find myself unhappy at times when I could be happy. I long to know why this thought flees conscious deliberation. But in the end, I've come to a decision. It doesn't matter how I've lived my life. With each mile that flies by, with each second that ticks on, I have the possibility to change it. It only needs but a thought to start the process, but it does require a belief to maintain it.
Just do it.
Poem, v1:
Respite found in this late hour, centered in my solitude.
Nothing here but cold's sharp bite, to draw my thoughts away from me.
I look to see naught but fog, which clouds my sight, then so much more.
I longed to see the shining stars, unrestrained by self built bars.
After time, with no pleasure, I retire to my room. I'll have more time to find my grace.
For when the fog which clouds my mind lifts, only then will I find my clarity,
On this, but my first night.
Poem, v2:
Thru moonlit mist, I make my way, my anxious mind I hope to stay.
Seeking solace from this queer mood, I find respite in my solitude.
Oh, bitter cold, release your hold. This time is all for me,
Distracting thoughts, AND THIS FOGHORN! Please let my thoughts just be!
And after time I find find my focus, I begin to think so clearly now,
I found my center, the simple core, the steps with which just how,
Just how to find this peace once more, to bring myself some grace.
When overwhelmed, and filled with stress, Mind, just give yourself some space.
Notes:
Fog. It clouds my vision, so it clouds my senses. The hour, late, brings with it the true reprieve for which I yearn. Serenity. Solitude. The cold fights for my attention, but this is all it gets. I'm truly free here. Words are crossing my mind, like they haven't for so many years.
Realization.
It's all on myself. It begins with me. As long as outside sources dictate how I live my life, I may find myself unhappy at times when I could be happy. I long to know why this thought flees conscious deliberation. But in the end, I've come to a decision. It doesn't matter how I've lived my life. With each mile that flies by, with each second that ticks on, I have the possibility to change it. It only needs but a thought to start the process, but it does require a belief to maintain it.
Just do it.
Poem, v1:
Respite found in this late hour, centered in my solitude.
Nothing here but cold's sharp bite, to draw my thoughts away from me.
I look to see naught but fog, which clouds my sight, then so much more.
I longed to see the shining stars, unrestrained by self built bars.
After time, with no pleasure, I retire to my room. I'll have more time to find my grace.
For when the fog which clouds my mind lifts, only then will I find my clarity,
On this, but my first night.
Poem, v2:
Thru moonlit mist, I make my way, my anxious mind I hope to stay.
Seeking solace from this queer mood, I find respite in my solitude.
Oh, bitter cold, release your hold. This time is all for me,
Distracting thoughts, AND THIS FOGHORN! Please let my thoughts just be!
And after time I find find my focus, I begin to think so clearly now,
I found my center, the simple core, the steps with which just how,
Just how to find this peace once more, to bring myself some grace.
When overwhelmed, and filled with stress, Mind, just give yourself some space.
General Update!
So, I've been enjoying this cruise! It's been a super nice time just to relax, and do whatever makes me happy. I didn't do a rundown of the last two days, so I'll update you guys of everything I have been up to.
Day 1:
I pretty much lazied about all day. When we arrived on the ship, our room wasn't ready, so we went straight to lunch. Here, I had some super spicy Mongolian stirfry, some chicken fingers, and french fries. For being a buffet style meal, it was pretty good. Then, afterward I signed up for my Thursday Excursion. I'll be going with some of my family to a private beach, with a capacity of only 20 people. Here, there will some personal chefs, and some personal bartenders. With the chefs, we can go into the kitchen while they are cooking lunch, and help them/learn the recipes. I'm pretty stoked about that. Before and after lunch, we pretty much have the beach to ourselves. There will be some hammocks and some snorkling gear, both of which I'll be excited to use! When we finally got into our rooms, we lounged around a bit until the mandatory saftey briefing. Then... We departed! I spent some time watching New Orleans pass us by, and then it was time to get ready for dinner. For dinner, I tried Escargot, and had the flatiron steak, french fries, and Mac'n'cheese. Everything was DELICIOUS! After dinner, I found the giant chess set, played a kid, barely beat him, then decided it was time to explore. I spent the late evening, until 11:30ish, walking in the solitude of the night. (See my next post about that). Finally, I went to bed and had a wonderful sleep.
Day 2:
Today I was super lazy, and it was amazing. I started the day with breakfast and working out with my family. After cleaning up and taking a bit of a break, I went and explored the ship some more. Not surpisingly, I ended up back at the chess set. There, I played 3 more games. Two more against my opponent from the previous night (His name was Tyler), and one against a new opponent named Donald. All three games were pretty intense, but I managed to win them all (Record until now: 4-0). It was also fun to discuss and watch other people playing chess. After some more relaxing in the room reading, I made my way to the Wine Seminar, where I proceeded to get slightly inebriated, and learned a lot about a few of the more common wines. The biggest thing I learned was that the flavor of the wine is very much dependent on what you eat with it. It's still blowing my mind how much of a difference it made. Then, more wandering! I cheered on one of the ladies who was at our table during the Wine seminar, as she played in the finals of the slot tournament. Continuing on, I relaxed in the room for some more, had some whiskey, and then made my way to the Formal dinner night! Here, after all of us taking pictures, I got to have more delicious delicious food. For starters, I had the vegetable Spring Rolls, some white stuffed mushrooms, and Alligator fritters. I didn't enjoy the Alligator that much, but it still felt nice to be trying different things. And then, the main course... Lobster, giant shrimp, and prime rib! For desert, Chocolate Melting Cake with Vanilla ice cream. Needless to say, I was stuff, and thoroughly satisfied. I didn't last much longer after that. I played some Chess with my Dad (Now 5-0), proceeded then to get dominated by him in Mini Golf (Extreme hard edition xD 20-30mph winds), then retired to the room, watched some TV, then collapsed in the strongest food induced coma I've had for awhile.
Day 3:
Today is pretty quiet, since we are at our first port. All I've done today is eat breakfast with the family, worked out with the family again, relaxed in the room, and beat myself in chess. Here soon, we'll be planning on going into the city and see what they've got for sale. Tonight, I'll probably go check out some of the clubs and maybe the comedian. I'll let you guys know probably first thing in the morning!
P.S. - Posts are going to be far between, and clumped together. The internet here sucks horribly, and it's very limited. I hope to get on at least once a day, but we'll see how it goes.
Day 1:
I pretty much lazied about all day. When we arrived on the ship, our room wasn't ready, so we went straight to lunch. Here, I had some super spicy Mongolian stirfry, some chicken fingers, and french fries. For being a buffet style meal, it was pretty good. Then, afterward I signed up for my Thursday Excursion. I'll be going with some of my family to a private beach, with a capacity of only 20 people. Here, there will some personal chefs, and some personal bartenders. With the chefs, we can go into the kitchen while they are cooking lunch, and help them/learn the recipes. I'm pretty stoked about that. Before and after lunch, we pretty much have the beach to ourselves. There will be some hammocks and some snorkling gear, both of which I'll be excited to use! When we finally got into our rooms, we lounged around a bit until the mandatory saftey briefing. Then... We departed! I spent some time watching New Orleans pass us by, and then it was time to get ready for dinner. For dinner, I tried Escargot, and had the flatiron steak, french fries, and Mac'n'cheese. Everything was DELICIOUS! After dinner, I found the giant chess set, played a kid, barely beat him, then decided it was time to explore. I spent the late evening, until 11:30ish, walking in the solitude of the night. (See my next post about that). Finally, I went to bed and had a wonderful sleep.
Day 2:
Today I was super lazy, and it was amazing. I started the day with breakfast and working out with my family. After cleaning up and taking a bit of a break, I went and explored the ship some more. Not surpisingly, I ended up back at the chess set. There, I played 3 more games. Two more against my opponent from the previous night (His name was Tyler), and one against a new opponent named Donald. All three games were pretty intense, but I managed to win them all (Record until now: 4-0). It was also fun to discuss and watch other people playing chess. After some more relaxing in the room reading, I made my way to the Wine Seminar, where I proceeded to get slightly inebriated, and learned a lot about a few of the more common wines. The biggest thing I learned was that the flavor of the wine is very much dependent on what you eat with it. It's still blowing my mind how much of a difference it made. Then, more wandering! I cheered on one of the ladies who was at our table during the Wine seminar, as she played in the finals of the slot tournament. Continuing on, I relaxed in the room for some more, had some whiskey, and then made my way to the Formal dinner night! Here, after all of us taking pictures, I got to have more delicious delicious food. For starters, I had the vegetable Spring Rolls, some white stuffed mushrooms, and Alligator fritters. I didn't enjoy the Alligator that much, but it still felt nice to be trying different things. And then, the main course... Lobster, giant shrimp, and prime rib! For desert, Chocolate Melting Cake with Vanilla ice cream. Needless to say, I was stuff, and thoroughly satisfied. I didn't last much longer after that. I played some Chess with my Dad (Now 5-0), proceeded then to get dominated by him in Mini Golf (Extreme hard edition xD 20-30mph winds), then retired to the room, watched some TV, then collapsed in the strongest food induced coma I've had for awhile.
Day 3:
Today is pretty quiet, since we are at our first port. All I've done today is eat breakfast with the family, worked out with the family again, relaxed in the room, and beat myself in chess. Here soon, we'll be planning on going into the city and see what they've got for sale. Tonight, I'll probably go check out some of the clubs and maybe the comedian. I'll let you guys know probably first thing in the morning!
P.S. - Posts are going to be far between, and clumped together. The internet here sucks horribly, and it's very limited. I hope to get on at least once a day, but we'll see how it goes.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Slowing Down, Round 3
Well, I'm 1-0 right now in JUMBO chess against other people for the week. I won by the hairs of my chin (All 10 of them), but it shouldn't have been that close. I'm still in the habit of rushing, and the main consequence is that I get very narrow sighted. It's something I'm working on, but it's a slow process.
I got so excited setting up a move, that when it opened up, I didn't realize that I had moved my queen into a very vulnerable spot. So, my plan worked! But, I lost my queen. Not the smartest move, but I learned.
I have displayed to myself that not rushing is not only possible, but beneficial. On the way down here, I read the first book in the Incarnations of Immortality series, by Piers Anthony (My favorite author). It took longer than I normally take to read books (Rushing!), but I can give a synopsis of pretty much each chapter, or at least how the book flows. I'm going to narrow down to the fact where I had employed a process where I was reviewing what I was reading, even if it was at the end of the chapter. I added no more than 5 minutes, on top of slowing down the pace of my reading, and I enjoyed this book much more than I did the first time. I even forgot about half of it happened.
So, all in all, I'm going to make mistakes, but I'm not going to let it get to me. I can learn from those mistakes, and hopefully become a better person.
P.S.- I'm still working on my webcomic. I've got half of the first frame done. It's more difficult than I thought. I thought that by being minimalistic, I wouldn't have to put much emphasis on the visuals. However, its turning out that with the small amount of visuals, it will be easier to draw, but it means that the visuals are more important. I'm hoping to have the first one done tomorrow!
I got so excited setting up a move, that when it opened up, I didn't realize that I had moved my queen into a very vulnerable spot. So, my plan worked! But, I lost my queen. Not the smartest move, but I learned.
I have displayed to myself that not rushing is not only possible, but beneficial. On the way down here, I read the first book in the Incarnations of Immortality series, by Piers Anthony (My favorite author). It took longer than I normally take to read books (Rushing!), but I can give a synopsis of pretty much each chapter, or at least how the book flows. I'm going to narrow down to the fact where I had employed a process where I was reviewing what I was reading, even if it was at the end of the chapter. I added no more than 5 minutes, on top of slowing down the pace of my reading, and I enjoyed this book much more than I did the first time. I even forgot about half of it happened.
So, all in all, I'm going to make mistakes, but I'm not going to let it get to me. I can learn from those mistakes, and hopefully become a better person.
P.S.- I'm still working on my webcomic. I've got half of the first frame done. It's more difficult than I thought. I thought that by being minimalistic, I wouldn't have to put much emphasis on the visuals. However, its turning out that with the small amount of visuals, it will be easier to draw, but it means that the visuals are more important. I'm hoping to have the first one done tomorrow!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Communication
So, I'm on this wonderful trip with my extended family, and I've come to my first realization. Conversing with some people is sometimes difficult. I've identified one of the more common reasons for this: I feel obligated to make conversation. This stems from a fear of consequences from lack of conversation with the people.
Also, I dislike using text based communications as the primary source of communication. Something I'm going to work on.
Also, I dislike using text based communications as the primary source of communication. Something I'm going to work on.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Hey Guys
A new approach to this blogging thing. Instead of trying to force myself to come up with things, or getting frustrated with trying to put things into words, and only writing when I think I've got something "worth" writing... I'm just going to write. Maybe just get myself in the habit of writing, even if it's just a hello and this is how I'm doing. Today, I'ma outline what I've been excited for most recently! A webcomic!
It's going to be about two brothers, Warrior and Mage. Warrior has it in his head that he's going to save the world, but doesn't have a plan. Mage wants to be the best he can be. It's going to be very minimalistic, so I don't have to worry about the quality of the visuals. I'm going on a cruise for the next week with my family, so I'm hoping to start over the week. It will initially start here, and if I do commit to it, I'd probably move it to its own website.
But until then, I hope everyone has a great weekend!
It's going to be about two brothers, Warrior and Mage. Warrior has it in his head that he's going to save the world, but doesn't have a plan. Mage wants to be the best he can be. It's going to be very minimalistic, so I don't have to worry about the quality of the visuals. I'm going on a cruise for the next week with my family, so I'm hoping to start over the week. It will initially start here, and if I do commit to it, I'd probably move it to its own website.
But until then, I hope everyone has a great weekend!
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