8/19/2014 Update

Whooo!  I beat out (most) of the temptations of bad food, and managed to stay within my calories yesterday!  It clocked in around 1600 calories.  I also probably ate the most broccoli that I ever had in my life.  And... I didn't hate it.  So, I'm doing well!

It's also showing.  Since I didn't stuff my mouthface full of food, I'm down to 211.8 pounds.  I'm completely aware that this is probably waste, as my BF% went up to 28.2%.  This puts me at 59.7 pounds of fat.  I also know that I didn't gain two pounds.  I'm just mentioning it for trend-sake.  My first checkpoint is after 2 weeks.  We'll see where I'm at then.

(FAIL: I forgot to post this yesterday after I wrote it xD)

Day 1 Diet Status Updates

I'll just be updating this through the day
~9:30: Hungry.  Resolved through drinking of water

Update: I was hungry in the evening, because I didn't take my evening protein shake.  Did fine the rest of the day otherwise.

Second Restart

Here we go.  I'm prepped.  I have a 30-day supply of healthy foods.  I bought some supplements, a crap top of protein powder, and a complete ban on alcohol.  With my baby-step method, I've managed to get to the gym, and slowly increase the number of vegetables I'll eat.  However, as I improved in one area, I'd slack in another.  In the end, I've achieved negative results these past couple months and even these past couple weeks.  It's time to change that.

COMPLETE OVERHAUL OF SOME OF MY PROCESSES!

Strict diet.  I've got a plan, and on top of that plan, I'm going to work on accountability by recording what I eat and posting it.  I had started doing that personally, but stopped because I was discouraged on what I ate.  I did do well with my diet at times, but I would get bored of it because it would just be a salad at lunch, or just a sandwich.  Now, with this new meal plan that I bought to get me kick started, I'll have variety, portion control, and plenty of vegetables.

My core diet:
Breakfast:
3 Eggs: 210 calories
One piece of Toast w/ butter: ~120 calories
Sausage/Bacon: ~150 calories
Mid-morning protein shake: 170 calories
<Lunch> 200-400 calories
Mid-afternoon protein bar and banana: 245 calories
After-workout protein shake: 170 calories
<Dinner> 200-400 calories

Total: ~1465-1865

Now, for the record, I'm going entirely for cutting.  I'm aware that my working out will probably not net me much muscle.  This month will be for me to A.) Cut a chunk out of fat and encourage me that I can do more, and B.) Get into the habits of working out 5 times a week, a vegetable at every meal, and smaller portions for lunch/dinner.  I'll evaluate how I feel for a couple days and make any modifications that I need.  I'll do this by taking notes about any time I'm feeling hungry/off.

This first stage will be about 30 days, but I'm kicking off a 3 month plan this time instead of the 6-month one. I wasn't ready for it.  I'll be working on before/after pictures as well as weight/Body fat %.  As for those... embarrassingly, I'm at 213.6, with 26.8% body fat.  That's a total of 57.25 pounds of fat.  Time to finally make a change.

Confidence

If we don't have confidence in ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to have confidence in us?

Here

I'm here, floundering about.  It looks like my first process I need to work on is my time allocation processes xD.

Failure

Failure is the hardest thing I deal with.  It's the reason I try so hard to cover up my mistakes.  Failure to me is 100% the opposite of success.  So much so that I avoid it like a plague.  But a recent article by NPR has made me reevaluate this.

Failure is not, not succeeding.  It is just not accomplishing your goals.  Failure shouldn't be as horrible of a thing that I've made it to be.  Just because you haven't succeeded in your short term goals, doesn't mean you've not succeeded in the end.  Failure is an opportunity to learn from your mistakes.  If you never make mistakes (Especially because you don't try), then when you do try, you're going to make those mistakes.

It sound so simple now, but it was hard for me to come across.  I'll make mistakes, it's inevitable.  The best thing I can do is learn from those mistakes.  A failure should be viewed as a success.  I successfully learned a new way NOT to do something.  Just learn.  It shouldn't be such an issue.

Just learn.

New Writing Line

I hang in my cell, dangling like the X that I seemed to have painted on my forehead.  I suppress these thoughts that distract my from my current goal.  I draw in a large breathe, and hold it for 5 seconds.  As I exhale, I tense my muscles against the shackles.  I repeat the process, steeling my nerves for the pain to come.  I inhale for the third and final time before my task, closing my eyes and arching my back.  This final exhale, I scream.  With the piercing noise, I contract every muscle in my body, as if I attempt to pull the walls into myself.  The action results in me raising myself several inches off the ground.  I remain tightened for as long as my body allows.  Eventually, I collapse into exhaustion.  Relaxing all of my muscles, I allow myself to heal, growing stronger with each attempt at escape.