Repetition/Returning/I don't know

First off, I act as if hearing something once will shape my life.  It'd be great if there was just an easy button for directing your mind, but from experience, there probably isn't one.  I'ma have to get out of this mindset.

The biggest thing is the conversations I have with friends.  At first, I wouldn't even take notes.  Things would sound great, something would click, and I'd believe that I had changed myself forever.  Then two days later, I've almost all but forgotten it.  Eventually, I got smart, and started taking notes.

"I can't possibly forget this, for if I'm ever unsure or need to review it, I can just look at the notes!"  And then... I'd never look at the notes.  Much good those did me.  They got swept into some box in my room.  While yes, I will recover them when I go through about the 30 pounds of papers I've got, but that's a huge task (Which I need to start xD) that will take quite awhile.

That doesn't do me much good now.

So, while finishing up cleaning my room finally, I found one of the papers.  I'm not even going to analyze it this time.  It would push me off, and I wouldn't get around to it.  I'm just going to write it here, so I can't find it.  This also allows people to comment on things too.  Eventually, I will get around to analyzing it, but until then, here it can sit.  (I'm going to try and write it as it is on the paper.)

--------------------------------------
Why they shape a world
★Singing and acting and writing <Art> is how I express emotions
Take notes fast enough
-1. S
     Quite fast. Pinpoint what slows me down.  Tell story about it.
           Whole story by 1 pointing.  Stare, observe

Relationship - Between <entities>.  Strong relationships + history
*<Analysis> takes CPU power
Suspended disbelief
Journey, character <Challenge, change> Good story
Normal ->new Normal -> (new) normal
Don't feel obligated to <start> a new story
Feel <fine> with <beginning a new story>
Are you going to tell me that story
Didn't <try> to <keep><stories>
Didn't <run> process longtermstorage.exe
First Impressions
Looking at pages, finally a book!
Story how we make <meaning> of <our lives>
Pixar writer
Someone "Make me care"
Natural Story Teller - Andrew Stanton
Build <better> stories
          great
          learning
Doubt, want to see vocals
Cat stuffed animal                                                                       Hide that making you
---------------------------------------
There you have it, a glimpse into my mind when I actually sit down and write stuff down.  This was from a TED radio hour on story telling.  It's the last time I can remember really giving myself time for me.  ME.  MEMEMEMEMEME.  (Necessary for myself xD).

That's it for now.  You guys have a good night.

Schedule!

The next thing I'm going to try, in my search for getting a solid life in order, will be to implement a daily schedule.  I believe that if I can follow this and adapt to this lifestyle, I will get to my desired end results with regards to physical ability and overall health.

Here are some big things about this schedule:
1.) It has me working out first thing in the morning.  Hopefully, I'll have the most willpower here.  I've noticed for myself that my main usage of willpower (MP) is in the process of starting the task, not maintaining.  I feel this will also bolster my spirits, between just being physical and the satisfaction of knowing I've done my workout for the day already.

2.) It gives me plenty of free time in the evening.  On the flipside of number 1, I'm not going to want to do anything toward the end of the day.  Allowing myself to unwind during this time will help me go to bed with minimal stress.

3.) It will get me in a routine.  This could also be referred to as a daily habit.  The more healthy habits I can employ, the easier it will be to start new ones, and even if I don't get all of the ones I want, I'll still be making positive progress.

Here's the schedule (And yes, this means I'm going to have to be firm on a "early' bedtime by today's standards)
5:00-Wake up, prepare for Working out
5:05-Monday, Wednesday, Friday; Do my NerdFitness bodyweight exercises (This will be for maintenance and to get my body moving) 
5:05-Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday; Walk/Run/Jog.  I'm thinking of starting the couch to 5k plan (Again xD).  Up until I make excuses around week 3, I can really feel the benefits
5:30-Yoga with Kayla!
5:55-Shower
6:05-Breakfast
6:25-Leave for work
4:30-Video game hour with Kayla
5:30-Cook dinner/Eat/Free time until 9
7:00-Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday; Workout @ gym with father
9:00-Bed


Lets see how this goes!

Random Update

I've been busy and stressed with work.  And when I get home, I kinda just zone out and play Final Fantasy.  So yeah xD.  I'd figure I would at least update you guys.

I'm making my transition to a paleo diet with some sort of exercise routine that I'll enjoy.  One of the big things I haven't been doing, is finding the workout and foods that I enjoy eating, so I'll do them more often.  That is what this experimentation is about.

First off, I'm finally working up to salads.  I think the main issue I had with them was not the leafy greens, but all of the extra vegetables in it.  I've replaced my bagel/sandwich lunches with a bowl of kale/chard/spinach, some meat cut up, and some vinaigrette.

As for working out, I'm at the point where I'm just doing random things around the house.  Its not much, but I've seen a bit of muscle gain (Not too hard when I didn't have much to begin with xD).  Also, I'm working on just getting into the habit of doing some workout.  I'll slowly start refining my routine, and hopefully get into an every day thing.

Hope everyone is doing well!  It's almost the end of the year!

Random Update!

Just a quick update, so I keep in the spirit of posting consistently.

I've started doing meditation again.  I'm only a couple days in, but I think it will be good for me.  I've read tons of solid research on the topic.  Here's the biggest thing, from all of the meditation talks I've read, I haven't been able to figure out everything entirely from it.  Which leads me to believe two things: 1.) I'm just really bad at understanding people, and maybe I can use that and when I learn what it's all about, I can better help people with any meditation questions they have, or 2.) Its not something that can really be learned, it just has to be done.

I'm actually leaning toward this second one, because I feel that its a complete re-wiring of the brain.  Even so, I'm hoping to be able to identify exactly what has changed, and maybe help people that way.

Other than that, I'm going down to my in-laws for Thanksgiving!  I probably won't be posting until this weekend again. 

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!  I hope you have a great week, and eat tons of delicious foods!

Effort

I'm really believing that I tried to do too much at once.  Mainly when it concerns with my working out.

Basically, what would happen, I would get super motivated to get into shape, and then throw myself into this workout I thought would be great for me.  I would stick with it from 1-2 weeks, then drop it.  Then a few weeks later, I'd try again.  This was my insanity, p90x, and other workout routines.  The biggest thing, I think, was that I got bored/tired/whatever of it before a month, and it never became a habit.  Well,  I'm hoping this is turning around.

Last Wednesday, I randomly stumbled across www.nerdfitness.com.  This website had some really good articles and a very basic workout routine.  That night, before I watched a movie with my dad, I randomly pulled out my pullup/pushup bar, and went through a cycle of just working the different upper body muscles.

And over the next 3 days, I was sore, and it was great!  So, on Monday, I did it again.  I didn't get as sore, but I could still feel that I did something.  It wasn't as motivational, but still felt good to do something. 

Wednesday of this week though, I decided to try his "Beginner" workout.  This entailed doing 3 sets of what I thought was a super easy workout.  20 squats, 10 pushups, 20 walking lunges, 10 bent over rows, 30 seconds of planks, and 30 jumping jacks.  I figured I'd do these 3 sets, and then not know how to advance.

After work on Wednesday, I just went for it.  And... I only made it through 2 sets.  I couldn't believe that something that I thought should be so easy, when form is focused on, would do such a number on my body.

Here I am, two days later, and my legs are still super sore.  I'm now convinced I can do tons of little things here and there and still make improvements.  I'm going to use this starting small, to hopefully start and keep the habits I wish to make.

Also, its only been a week, but I can feel the muscle gain.

Strengths

While I do have a lot of things that I'm not doing as well as I had hoped in, I've decided its time for once for me to show off the one thing I'm strong in: my mind.  I'm currently using the website Lumosity.com .  In wanting to work on habits, it is one habit that I'm staying with, as well as building up a workout routine that's fun for me and will push me.  Below I have my scores as compared to other people.  In case people don't understand the concept of a percentile: That is how many people that I am scoring higher than.  E.g. 90th percentile means I scored higher than 90% of the people. 

One more Hero!

So, I forgot about one last hero.

BOLIN!!!  (From The Legend of Korra).  For those of you who haven't seen season 2 yet, Bolin's character development in the last 4 episodes is wonderful.  Definitely hero material.  I love Bolin because for the most part he is goofy and carefree, and he always wears his heart on his sleeve.  However, when it comes time to get down to business, he's ready to step up and kick tail.

Just another character I wish to strive to be more like.

Heroes

(No, I'm not done with cleaning.  I'm much further, but the last 10% is killing me).

However, this post is randomly about my anime heroes.  I have 4, who I want to strive to be like.  Vash the Stampede.  He's /the/ top gunman in the world, and could kill anyone in a blink of an eye.  Does he do it? No.  He's a pacifist.  He's going to try as hard as he can to resolve the situation without violence.  "LOVE AND PEACE!"

Second, Aang.  (Not "Ahng").  He has the ability to control all of the elements.  But his goal is global peace.  He achieves this by using his random humor and by having a great support team.  I love him.  He's carefree but wants the best for the world.

Third: The seeker.  I've forgotten so much about him.  He's called the seeker of truth.  He's true to his cause, and will do anything for what he thinks is right.  Just an all around great role model for me.

Lastly, Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV, smart, ingenious, and has this way of just doing what is needed at the right time. (Cowboy Bebob.). 

If you guys don't mind "Cartoons", you should watch these four.  I hope to integrate their best aspects into one great person.

[Cleaning] +2!

So, I'm on day 3 of [cleaning] my room.  By this, I mean I'm [sorting through everything I own], and [throwing away] the things I don't need.  This is a daunting task.  I didn't expect it to take so long, but after realizing how much I have to go through and take  care of, I readjusted my expectations. 

The hard thing, is how much it seems there still is to do.  Per yesterday, there are too many things to [clean] to count, and so it was still a large, unshrinking pile.  But I was smart!  I took a picture of Day 1!  And when I compared it today, there's progress.  I'm hanging in there!  At this rate, it may take quite a while, but it's still getting done!

[Cleaning] +1!

So, continuing from my post the other day, I think my next biggest problem is the fact that I look at my [room], and see only 1 [mess].  When in actuality, it consists of [438] items in one pile.  This reaffirms the whole, "[Clean] 1 item at a time".  Because in the end, that huge pile that contained [438] items, will only contain [400] items if I [clean up] [38].  While in my mind it is still only 1 pile, its smaller.  And I should acknowledge that!

[Cleaning]!

Random things I think I need to remember while [cleaning] my room.  There are [437] items strewn across my room.  But if I engage in [cleaning] my room, I can't expect that number to drop by [20] or [30].  No.  It takes one [item cleaned up] at a time.

Even more to focus on is the fact that I can't just be happy when I get my room [cleaned].  I should be happy and happier for each [item cleaned up].  Because that's progress.  I may not reach my goal at the end of the day, but I will have at least worked toward it.  And by working toward it, it means I'm that much closer tomorrow.

Self-esteem

So, first off, I need to address something that has been bothering me a bit.  I created this blog to be able to write freely for myself, and to just explore myself.  If people learned from what I had to say, then that would be amazing.  However, I lost focus very quickly, and wanted to try my hardest to help people learn something.  I wasn't true to myself.  I was focusing on others too much.

That said, I've become hesitant to say negative things about myself.  I'm not entirely sure if it was because I'd be embarrassed, or I just wanted to remain looking strong to give others hope.  But I'm going to throw it out there, so maybe if others are feeling this way, they can relate (And hopefully start a conversation with me).

Here's where I struggle:  I've very low self-esteem.  It seems to conflict, because I have this hidden source of confidence that I can't identify.  This allows me to go up to random strangers and not worry about what they think about me.  I won't get too into this, but it prevents me from being myself.

So, the resolution?  I need to start believing in myself.  I'm not sure how directly.  Until then, I'm going to start using other people. I'm going to quote an anime to get me started (Gurren Lagann).  Kamina, this totally awesome character, won't let Simon, the main character, not do something because he is afraid.  He has all the confidence in Simon, and Kamina lets his actions show this by not taking over when he could easily have handled the situation.  One time, Simon began to panic and was about to let fear take over and give up.  But Kamina said something to him, which caused him to act and persevere.  He told Simon: "Don't believe in yourself.  Believe in me who believes in you."

I'm going to be honest, every time I see this scene, I tear up.  That confidence, that trust, his willingness to put his life on the line, showed me that Kamina was using the word "believe" to the full extent.  If I can't seem to find that belief in myself at the moment, then I'm going to believe in others' belief in me.  There has to be some reason why they are there for me, and that stemmed from who I am.

This leads to my final thought: I've been focusing so hard on "being better".  I now see that it is too broad.  That can mean too many things.  There's almost an infinite amount of ways I could "be better", but lose who I am.  Therefore, I'm going to start focusing on this: "being a better me."

Frustration

I'm identifying that I handle frustration in a very ineffective manner.  I find myself getting frustrated, and if I'm being intelligent, I'll remove myself from the task at hand and try working on something else.  I think this would work, as I'm removing myself from the source of frustration. 

However, I'm already in a frustrated place, and it usually affects the task that I've switched to.  I'm finding it normal that I start to get stuck/frustrated with this task (And usually a lot more quickly than I was from the first one).  Then I repeat this cycle, getting a little more frustrated each time, and getting stuck more quickly than the last.  Until I basically blow up and lose focus on everything.

My goal is to try to identify more quickly when I get frustrated, and do what I mentioned yesterday about totally removing myself and taking some deep breathes.  Frustration is what I believe to be the main source of distraction for me.  I hope that removing it will help keep me in a better mood and more productive.

Reminder to myself

So, I've been getting frustrated at work a lot recently.  Normally I just charge through, hoping that I'll make it through the other end.

Hasn't worked.  Time for a change.

As soon as I identify that I'm rushing or that I'm getting frustrated with what I'm working on:  I will make sure I sit down, close my eyes, take 3 deep breathes while clearing my mind, and then focus on what the next thing I need to be working on is. 

Random quote

Quote I like, found today:

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments"

- Jim Rohn

Music Poem!

So, in an effort to start keeping up with my life, I'm going to make a note to tell you guys about the fun time I had at Anime Fusion as staff.  But I'll wait on that until I have more time to give it the effort it deserves.

For now, I wrote a poem.  The first I had in quite a long time.  It's still very rough, but I'm going to share it.  It came to me while I was working the lights at the Rave at Anime Fusion.

(Meant to be spoken out loud, as there is a beat, that increases as read)

The beat... Boom, Boom, Boom, driving each bounce
My heart no longer keeps the tempo of my world.
The filters I apply to my daily life are removed.
The music is permeating into my very core.
Spinning, Twirling, stomping, moving... moving.. moving
Each pulse a signal all the way to my muscles, not letting me stand still
Not only does it set my pace, it is the source of my existance.
The speed increases, and so do I
Each beat, making me feel so alive.
The music, crescendos.  My movements, grow wilder.
The end, is coming.  I feel it.  The music, it peaks as I flourish and freeze.

Until the next song

Any comments?  I'd very much like to polish this up and put it in my beginning collection.

Fortune Cookie

I found this hilarious.  Normally, I'm quite adverse to fortune cookies.  I'm not exactly sure what, but I think it has to do with the fact that its random chance.  I think my mind has changed.  Not only did I get this fortune cookie, but I got it at a time that I needed it most.

Here's a note:  I totally dismissed this fortune cookie when I got it the first time.  But on my way to bed last night, I found this fortune cookie.  I didn't even make note of it then.  I just set it on my desk and went to sleep.  I had a great sleep.  I woke up, read it, and I'm going to keep this momentum moving.

"It's time to complete some unfinished business"

Remember...

Just remember...

"Past performance is not an indicator of future results."  It doesn't matter what you have done in the past.  You can always change your future.  Even if you never exercised, or did something you've always been meaning to do, doesn't mean you are bound to keep not doing it.

That's all.

Random Fortune cookie of the Day

One person with a passion is worth 99 people with only an interest. 

Do what you love, love what you do.

Point of Reference

In my thoughts, this concept keeps coming up.  So, as a point of reference, I'm going to start expanding the idea by putting this here.  I'll add as I come up with more things.

That's all.

Keep being awesome. 

Just checking in

I've at least thought it a few times: I need to start using this blog for some of my story ideas/dreaming.  One of my big things I started working on a long time ago, and would like to get back into, is lucid dreaming.  I think it would be a great way to write a story, as I could put myself into the place of my character and experience the situation that way, giving me a more complete picture to better write the story.

But as Kayla says, I just need to write.  So, note to self: WRITE MORE!

Mistakes

Last week, I got a fortune cookie that pointed out something I do to myself a lot, and I know it is more detrimental than anything.  It said something along the lines of "Whenever you make a mistake, don't feel as if you are the mistake".

After thinking about it for a few minutes, I realized that I do this... almost every time.  I know I can learn from mistakes, and I aim to do just that.  However, right after I do something wrong, I'm really harsh on myself. 

I'm going to aim to just identify it as a mistake, make a plan to not let it happen again, and hopefully live with that much less stress!

Update

So, this past month has been quite a testament to perserverence.  While I haven't kept up with my workout everyday, I have been pretty good on my diet, which I feel is the best thing  I could be doing for it.  I probably won't post numbers too often, as its an easy way for me to get discouraged, but as of Sunday, I have some really good news to share.

If I look just at my weight, I would be pretty bummed.  I am up around 2 pounds.  This is after 3-4 weeks of dieting and exercise!  But, luckily for me, I have a body fat % scale.  Compared to when I did this test 3 weeks ago, I have lost 5 pounds of fat, and put on 7 pounds of muscle.  WHOOOO!!!

The message I want everyone to take... You have to stick with the lifestyle changes.  Unless you keep up with it, you aren't going to get the results you want.  I haven't even kicked up my regiment into high gear, so this next month will provide me with some pretty sweet results, I'm hoping.

Until next time, I believe in you!

Update on my stuff

I've not been exercising the last 3 days, but I have been working my brain and my diet for the most part.  That changes again tomorrow. 

The best part?  I'm not mad at myself.  I've accepted that I was super busy and visited my brother. 

 You know what that means?  Come tomorrow, I'm just going to start up again and everything will be back to normal.

P.s. - If you aren't feeling awesome, you should.  You're reading this.  Which means you're one of the few people who do.  And that instantly makes you awesome to me.

Sarcasm

You know what I extremely dislike?  We have this English language.  And its the best thing we have at communicating with each other, even if its probably one of the worst mediums to actually communicate.  But what I'm angry about, is that we can introduce this thing called sarcasm... where we take the words we are saying, and make it mean something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. 

"You're so awesome", said sarcastically, can be taken as "You aren't awesome!". 

Etc., I won't go into that so much.

Here's where I stand. 

I'm working really hard to abolish sarcasm from my reality.  You know what?  Sarcasm doesn't exist.  No matter how much tone or attitude you put into saying something, I will only take it at face value.  That goes for anything, sarcastic, or not. 

So if you want me to get some sort of message from you, you better be saying exactly what you want me to know.  Otherwise, I'm going to ignore your other message and just listen to the actual words.

BAM.

Starting my workouts

My goal is to get to 100% in my workouts.  Problem is, my 100% isn't that great.  It really deters me sometimes.  But, I've decided on a new mentality! 

My problem is starting.  To the point where I won't even start to do stuff.  But, here goes my new thinking.  Putting in 1% of effort into something is infinitely times more than putting in 0% effort.  Its basically me telling myself, I will get absolutely NO results if I don't workout today.  On top of that, even if I only put in 1% into my workout, then the next time I work out, it'll be that much easier. 

That gets me started.  And once I get started, I try hard to tell myself over and over that for every ounce more of effort I put in this time, next time will be even easier!!!  Now, admittedly, I'm probably only giving 70% in my workouts.  But its only been 3 days of my new workout high intensity routine and I'm sticking with it, and that's a lot more than I can say about my working out 2 months ago!

tl;dr... Just start!  It gets easier as you go!

Progress!

So, I was super discouraged this last week.  After running and dieting and starting to work out these past 4 weeks, last week when I checked my weight I was up 7 pounds!  To be honest, I did start drinking a lot of water and everyone was like "Blah, its water weight.".  But it was still a bit discouraging.  I stuck with it and kept it up!

And the rewards are finally starting to show!  I checked my weight, and I'm down 5 pounds again.  Only +2 from where I started!  I'm going to attribute that to muscle weight! 

So for those of you who aren't seeing any positive gains, stick with it!  The fact that you are sticking with it will help keep you going until you do!

Assumptions

Assumptions have gotten in quite a bit of trouble.  I'd make silly assumptions about friends/people I'd be interacting with, and make a fool of myself.  The only point I wanna make with this short post:  I found its sooo much easier to ask someone a simple question instead of spending X amount of minutes doing something for someone and realizing it wasn't what I expected.

"Slow down" v2.0

Quick update: I'm at sogen-con. Having a blast and enjoying the weekend off.

So, I've been told to "slow down", and I always thought that they meant to stop rushing. What I didn't think about what a different meaning. The long term vision of slowing down.  I've been too focused on things in the near future and haven't put much thought into the direction of my life 5+ years down the road.

First run through this made me think of tailoring my days to aim for that longer goal.  It helped a lot to realize that in 6 years I'll be thirty and still should have plenty of potential i can tap into.

Momentum!

On a positive note, this is the third week that I've been continuous with my diet and exercising!  And its only getting easier.  Momentum is definitely the word I would attach to this.  Initially, it was very difficult to go from no exercise and bad eating habits, to even taking the first step.  Even the first couple days was difficult just to get it continuing. 

However, at week 3, I'm feeling a different pull.  Whenever a decision comes up that would hurt the progress I've made so far, I get to thinking that I'm already deep into this process, and it makes my decision to not do that task that much easier.

I'm not sure how intermixed with my decision process it is, but there is also one more component.  I read someone say that when you come to a bad decision, ask yourself if this is a decision you would want to make the same every day.  At the beginning, its easy to let that slide because I've only dieted/exercised for 2 days.  But now at 3 weeks, I've got a lot more to lose.  Asking myself that question as I progress makes it easier and easier to say no.

Problems

So, I started my queue last night, and told myself I had 1 thing in it to do before I left for work this morning.  But you know what?  This morning, I didn't bring up the queue at all, and so it didn't get done.  For now, I need to work on not going completely on auto-pilot in the morning.  This might be resolved by adding a process in which I periodically go through my queue, or what I'm liking even more right now, is going through everything I'll need to do for a task as I'm entering the last period of time before an event (Like after waking up, since my morning is pretty much devoted to getting ready for work).

Trying to remember what to do

So, one big issue I'm having is with remembering all the tasks that I tell myself I need to do before something.  As I'm planning it out, I will usually touch on most of the things I need to do at least once in my mind.  However, when it gets to a point where I can actually do the tasks, I won't always do all of them because I forget some. 

I'm testing out a way to help with this: Error checking.

Simply, I'm going to keep a "Total tasks" variable in my mind to keep track of how many tasks I have in my queue.  That way, whenever I add a new thing to my list, I know how many tasks I need to have in my queue, and I'll go through my queue to refresh in my mind all of them. 

It has helped me the last two days to ensure that I complete all the tasks, when I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have remembered on my own.  I'll keep posted with how much I think this ends up helping.

Returning!

I'm going to start using my blog for a lot of things, like how I think humanity can be bettered and also as a medium for me to display some of my creative writings like story ideas and poems.  For now, I want to challenge some people!

I challenge everyone to say hello to someone you have been avoiding speaking to. 

Update: Rest of our London Trip

While I'm at it, I'll post the second update from England.  England was definitely the highlight of my trip to Europe.

Our second full day in London was a wonderful day.  It definitely made the trip worth it, and getting up at 3:30am the next morning to catch our plane back bearable.

We began with catching the Underground into town.  After we got off, we found a small cafe and had an "English Breakfast".  This consisted of bacon (Basically ham with lots of fat), sausage, toast, and beans.  The beans were interesting, and I didn't enjoy them that much.  Kayla had scrambled eggs on toast.

We then made our way to Buckingham palace.  We weren't prepared for how many people decided to visit at that time as well.  We found out after making our way around the monument in the middle that there was an event, a marching band from the Queen's Guard, that paraded through the streets.  It was pretty cool.

We then made our way through Saint James' park toward Big Ben and Westminster Abbey.  In the park, we saw tons of birds.  Kayla was simply delighted and it made me happy to see her enjoying herself that much.  See pictures on Kayla's facebook to see all of the interesting birds Kayla found.

We eventually came through and found Westminster Abbey and Big Ben.  More testaments to the grandiose things humans can build when they put their minds to it.  We then went to the Tower of London!  While we decided it was too expensive to tour, we walked around it, by the water front, and then sat down in a park and played Organ Trail for awhile.

We then made our way to... 221B Baker Street!  I was kinda disappointed though.  They made the first floor into a museum, but have preserved the upstairs in a Victorian style.  We only took a couple pictures from the opposite side of the street, then made our way to Reagent's Park.

This park was another wonderful park, and gave Kayla and I some wonderful times together.  There were tons more birds, including some cute babies running around the edge of the water.  To make it even better, they had paddle boats that we ended up renting and was able to get even closer to the wild life.  It was a great hour of lazily paddling around the lake.  Some nice people even tossed us some bread and we threw it in and got some pictures of all the seagulls swarming around us!

To make a fun day even better, and to spend the rest of the pounds we had, we went to this wonderful Italian restaurant, the Spaghetti House.  We had this delicious chicken broth ravioli appetizer, a delicious bottle of Orvietto wine, and I was able to try some English beer (Which was pretty good).  For the main course, I ended up getting an Italian style steak with some pretty amazing butter that melted on top of it.  (Also noted, this was a great chance for me to slow down and enjoy my food a lot more.  It was a pretty epic meal).

Then, I took a slightly wobbly Kayla back to the hotel on the Underground, were we watched some interesting English game shows and then passed out.

As noted above, we had to get up pretty darn early :(.  Our plane left at 7:35, so we had to get to the airport (A 45 minute train trip from the middle of the city) by 6:40.  Around 5 o'clock, there are barely any Underground trains running, so we had to catch a couple late night buses.  Initially I imagined we would be waiting under a single light on the side of the street in the pitch black, but it ended up being pretty calm, with some nice people that helped us get on the right bus.

And that's it!  I definitely want to go back to England, but would want to stay a little longer and tour the English castles.  Especially the one linked with King Arthur...

Update: Castles!

So, we had a great time this weekend visiting southern Germany.  The trip down was kinda hectic, and wore us out.  We wanted to spend more time in Munich, but we left pretty late (As per my family) and so we got there in time to see the Glockenspiel, and that's about it.  We then made our way to our Youth Hostel, took a long sight seeing tour (As my Oma firmly said, she was never lost, even if we didn't know where we were).  We got there, and they were nice enough to reheat us dinner, as they had stopped serving it 2 hours prior.

Saturday was the fun day.  We drove down to the small town situated between the two castles, and began our beautiful day.  The temperature was perfect, and the mountains were beautiful.  The castles are located in the middle of the Alps.  We first took a tour at Castle Hohenschangau.  This was a castle that was built in the middle of this beautiful area, and was used as a summer hunting and relaxation resort.  It is where King Ludwig II grew up.

To get to the castle, we took a horse drawn carriage.  It wasn't very pretty looking, as horses' don't draw very well... :P.  But really, it was wonderful.  The path went right next to the lake and the view just blew my mind.

The castle itself was beautiful inside.  The main part of it consisted of 3 floors.  The Queen's floor, the King's floor, and the children's floor.  There was over 90 "Sectos", or painted pictures on the walls.  They were created in a very romantic fashion.  The walls were in great shape, even after 150+ years.  All-in-all, definitely a place I'd love to live in.

We took a carriage back down, and then went to the bus stop.  In all of our books, it said "Bus trip takes 30 minutes".  In reality, it only took us 5.  The twists and turns were kinda scary, but it gave us a chance to go and visit Marienbrueke, or Maria's Bridge.  And the view from that bridge to the castle... gorgeous.  Please see pictures posted on Kayla's facebook to see what I mean.  It was situated over a waterfall, and I would have loved to go and visit the clear waters at the bottom.  We didn't have enough time though :(.

Castle Neuschwanstein was very nice to go see again, and even more beautiful then I previously remembered.  A couple interesting facts, it took 17 years of building before Ludwig II could move into the castle.  He only lived in the castle a total of 172 days, before he died under mysterious circumstances and construction on the castle was halted.  In his bedroom, the woodwork was the most impressive by far.  It took 14 wood carvers 4 years to make all of the elaborate carvings in the wood.  Also, in a hidden door in the King's bedroom, was a toilet with water that came up from the water in the mountain springs by natural pressure.  The toilet also was fully automatic, and would flush as soon as the King got up off of it.  Impressive for this being the 1860s.  Finally, the entire tour includes 375 steps, while the tour advertisements informed us that there would only be about 300.

Interesting to note, I definitely have changed since the last time I went there.  I must have been in a rush or not wanted to go to the castle when I was younger (I was 17 at the time), and don't remember much of it.  I definitely appreciated the artwork this time a lot more.

Unfortunately we were not allowed to take pictures of the inside of the castle.  So we took plenty from the outside and of the surrounding mountains.  This is definitely a place that I suggest people should visit if they ever get the chance.  The serenity and nature was very nice and made the walking well worth it.

Update!: Castles!

I owe you guys an update from London, which will come with the pictures still by middle of the week.  But here is our current one.

We are going to a couple castles today!  First one is Castle Neuschwanstein.  It's Germany's most visited castle, and the castle that inspired the Disney's castle.  Its high up in a mountain, and we get to take a carriage up there!

The other one is the parents of the person for whom Castle Neuschwanstein was being built for.  Castle Hohenschwangau is completely furnished, while Castle Neuschwanstein is not.  That is because the person Castle Neuschwanstein was being built for died under mysterious circumstances in the middle of the building of the castle.

Hope you all have a great day!

UPDATE: London!

We are here safely in London!  Kayla and I had this sketchy flight on this sketchy airlines, Ryan Airlines (It only cost 130 Euros for round trip).  Partly because it flew into London Stansted Airport, which is 50+ miles outside of actual London.

So, after queuing (That's the word for it here!) waiting at the airport security for an hour, we wandered around looking for the train station.  We then took an 50 minute train ride to the middle of London!  When we got to the train station, we tried to take money out from the ATM.  That failed, due to my card being deactivated...  Luckily we had Euros that we exchanged then had some Burger King!

Then, another hour on the Underground (which is ironically partly above ground!).  When we got there, I realized that I didn't remember exactly where the hotel was from the Underground station.  We walked 5 minutes the wrong way, asked someone with a heavy Russian accent where the hotel was, and found out that we went the wrong way.  15 minutes the other way and we got to our hotel!

There are issues where we should have breakfast included, but they are saying we don't have it.  It's being resolved, but we had to pay for it today.  Bleh. Oh well.  After a good sleep, we now to get to go visit places!  Stay tuned for updates!

Morning After

I didn't seem to fall asleep faster, with trying to pay attention to everything.  It actually ended up feeling a lot like when I meditate.  Instead, I realized that I clench my jaw and neck muscles.  Tonight, I'm going to try to force myself to keep those relaxed and see how that helps.

As for what we are doing today, just going to go to the local train station and get some gelato with my grandma.  Nice and relaxing day!

Origins

Only a couple things to report today.  Today, we went to my Grandma's home town.  I was able to see back 3 generations ago.  The town itself was tiny and pretty.  Even more amazing was how close the Rhine river was to the town (Many gardens were flooded) due to all of the rain we've gotten.

On topic from my last post, my grandpa pointed out today that when I start trying to talk too fast in German, I stutter and mess up much more then when I take my time and think carefully on what I want to say.  One day and I've already been told to slow down.

Finally, it takes forever for me to fall asleep.  I'm going to start focusing on techniques that might help me fall asleep better, and if anything works, I'll report back.  Normally I try to shut the world out and focus on nothing.  So tonight I'm going to try to be aware of everything that's happening and go from there.

My own pace!

Its been awhile, but I could probably tie that into a point for this post today.  Here's what I've been up to the past 1 and 1/2 weeks or so.

That Friday after the museum, we departed for France.  We got a really good price for a hotel and round trip bus ride to and from Paris.  That was probably the only good thing about the trip.  When we got onto the bus, we could already tell the entire trip was going to be sketchy.  It began with the fact that the bathroom on our bus was broken.  Their remedy, to stop a bajillion times along the way.  We suffered the constant stops, and somehow managed to get into Paris 4 hours later than the trip actually should have taken.  Also, due to the uncomfortable seats (They mentioned something about them being sleep chairs), we were unable to sleep.

We bypassed the 15 euro bus tour.  We felt we could explore Paris ourselves without paying this unnecessary money.  So, after our late arrival at 9:30, we were left in the middle of the city, with a stern "Be here at 11:30 or else".  So, we set off in search of a Cafe and then went and saw the Arc de Triomph.  The amount of detail put into this monument was spectacular and there were many photo opportunities to be had down all of the streets that converged at the monument.

After that, we rushed back to the meeting spot, and arrived around 11:05.  We stopped at a nearby Starbucks for some coffee, and waited until 11:20 to go out and wait for the bus.  11:30 came and went.  Then 11:45.  Then 12:00.  Then 12:30.  Finally, at 1:30, the bus arrived and picked us up.  Then, they didn't even apologize or explain what happened.  We just went to the hotel.

The hotel was even sketchier.  It was supposed to a 4 star hotel.  There was paint flecking off the door, the shower barely worked, and there was barely enough room for us to fit 3 mattresses and our luggage.  But I won't complain about it too much.  It was a place to rest our heads.

We then began our adventure.  We had a conveniently placed Metro station right outside our hotel.  We go down, and find out that we can explore Paris via Metro for only 3.45 euro a person.  Not bad.  So off to the Eiffel Tower we went!  To avoid 2 transfers, we got off about 10 blocks from the tower.  The path to the tower led us to this huge park that lined up in front of the tower.  We decided that our time was too short, and we didn't want to wait 3 hours in line to go up the tower, so we took some candid photos in the park with the tower in the background, then headed off to the Lourve!

And... it was closed.  This major attraction closed at 5pm... and we arrived at 5:10.  So, we ran off to Notre Dame!  And was it majestic.  It keeps baffling me that people, many hundreds of years ago, with tools that we now consider completely primitive,  built and painted these amazing structures.  What confuses me even more is that we don't really have anything like it at all in America or that no one builds something like that now.  We have access to tools that would enable us to do these wonders in much less time and for a lot less cost, but no one seems interested in doing it.

And... that's where Kayla, Melanie, and I's night ended.  We were all worn out from the long bus ride and the running around, and we decided to call it a night.  In the morning, we would be off to the palace of Versailles.  (Also, lame note... I lent my camera to Jennifer to get pictures from this really tall tower in the middle of Paris at sunset... and on the train ride home, someone stole it from her pocket x.x)

Our final stop in Paris was the Palace of Versailles.  We had 2 hours to explore it, and we waited in line for an hour to see it.  Except for the fact that we would have needed to spend 5 hours to decently explore it and the gardens (It is said that it took 45 minute to walk from the palace to the far side of the garden alone), I think it was worth it.  I'll post all the pictures we took on our rushed tour of the palace so that you can see what I would fail to explain.  Another prime example of a great work of art that has become history.

That's pretty much it for our Paris trip.  We got back to Nuremberg at 2am, waited in the rain to get picked up, then crammed in a tiny car and drove back.  All in all, I don't regret the trip to Paris, but I definitely want to go back when I have a lot more time/money.

And, other than helping my mom move in, the rest of the time so far these past 2 weeks has been spent relaxing.  We went to a couple water parks, and that's the highlight of that.  I can now go into one of the two things I've been dwelling on some in the free time I had.

My own pace.  I have to go at my own pace.  And, unfortunately, it seems to be a lot slower than most other people's pace.  My first example that comes to mind was the museum trip.  By myself, I probably could have spent 3 or 4 hours in there.  But with a group of 5 people, everyone wanted to go faster.  I wasn't annoyed, since I know that I could have gone at my own pace, but I didn't want to leave people waiting.  Therefore, I went much faster than I would have liked. Because of that, I didn't get as much out of the museum as I wanted.

Other examples would be playing video games with other people.  When playing with other people, or even just being watched, I feel rushed.  Most of the time it happens without me realizing.  I get yelled at because I'm half the map behind everyone, or that I'm exploring some place that everyone else overlooked, and the party decided to engage some monsters and then died without me.

And this increasing of pace has slowly seeped into my entire life.  I'm horrible at reading books now, because I rush through them.  I have to consciously think about reading slowly for me to actually take in all everything that's happening.  I move and do thinks a lot more rushed as well, and it leads to me running into things and knocking things over that I should have easily noticed.  And worst is when I need to search for something.  I will search for the lost object with such haste that I will often overlook it when it is in plain sight.

In conclusion, I am enjoying my trip immensely over here in Germany.  I'm getting to see a lot of art, and learn a little about the history that has shaped the world as it is now.  As for exploring my consciousness, I'm going to be working on slowing down the pace of my life.  I want to live my life my way, and to make the most of it.  Bumbling around and rushing things that I would feel more comfortable doing at a slower pace will lead to frustration and accidents.

Searching

Today, we went to the Nazi Party Rally Grounds in Nuremberg.  The museum was interesting.  It showed the progression inside of Germany from 1921 to 1945, particularly in Nuremberg.  While I found the place very informative, today's most is not about the museum.

Actually, its about the trip to the museum.  After finding my aunt and party in a Starbucks in the middle of the city, we proceeded to the main train station and took the same train that we did earlier this week when we went to the pool.  While I was taking the trip the first time, I sat and thought about what I was looking at as we drove down the various roads.  At the time, I was searching the architecture.  The architecture and history from the old buildings have always fascinated me.

This time, I had a similar thought, and even began to start looking in a similar manner as I did the first time.  Then it caught my attention that I could do processes multiple times, but with different parameters.  I sometimes get caught inside my mind doing the same thing, and realize that I don't get near as much out of a process when I resort to what my mind defaults to, instead of keeping my mind with the process.  It also helps prevent me from slipping into the past or future thinking.

Now, as well as with beginning to see art and what effects it has on me, I will start seeing how I might be able to do something as simple as driving down the road and viewing the scenery but keeping my mind active and in the moment.

History and Art

Last week, I had the chance to go and visit some places in Worms that I had been to before.  The difference this time is that I feel I've matured enough to start appreciating the art and history that such an old town can offer.  While there, I had two changes in how I'd like to start thinking.

Before I get into the changes, I have to dote a bit on how much I love Europe simply for its history.  Living in the United States, the oldest things I typically see are old, rundown houses.  While some can have some cool stories, they usually look pretty ugly.  Over in Germany, however, the history just permeates into everything.  The first thing we saw in Worms was a museum in an old Monastery.  Even before the tour that you could take through the Monastery, there were many old gravestones and monuments dating back to the first century.  Even more impressive was the fact that these gravestones weren't behind glass or out of the way so people couldn't touch them.  Despite this, they were still in pretty good condition

Then, while looking at the old architecture at Der Dom (The Cathedral), I had my first big realization.  I realized that I've been approaching art the wrong way.  Before, I would look at the art and try to understand and relate to what the artist wanted me to feel and see.  Inside the huge church, I started viewing the art and seeing what I felt and took away from it.  The change was drastic.  Where I was previously using a lot of analytical mind usage, my emotions had a chance to take over.  I wasn't even trying to restrain them before.  It was interesting how something as simple as the way I viewed art would hide myself from my emotional responses to them.

This led me to my second realization, while I was walking around appreciating the art (And how difficult it would have been for them to do it back then, but that they still did it).  For the longest time, I had been devoting many resources to finding my consciousness.  I was under the belief that it was something I didn't know much about and that I needed to search in order to discover it.  Like a baseball, it hit me in my face.  I never needed to find my consciousness.  Right now, I will simply explore it.

First!

Welcome to my blog!  I'm a rather random person and will end up covering many topics.  A couple main things I'm working on in my life at the moment are consciousness (individual and as a whole) and lucid dreaming. 

Currently, I'm visiting family in Germany.  I feel that the different culture will help give me a new view on things.

I love feedback/comments from people.  That is another great way for me to view things differently and possibly help me become better in different aspects of my life.  There's nothing really else for me to say as an introduction, so until next time!